is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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