Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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