Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
