I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
