yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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