You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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