My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
