So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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