I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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