If i could tip my vagina, i would.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
