then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
