Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
