i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
