Cold hands, warm shart.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
