Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
