this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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