so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
