By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
