talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I haven't been this sober since birth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
