If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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