my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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