yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Damn victory sex feels great
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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