last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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