I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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