they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
