I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
