he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
