I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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