I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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