we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
