And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
