you win again, gameday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
