If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
