my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
