"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He uses pillows to masturbate.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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