the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would fuck him just for his dog
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
