i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
