the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
