So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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