Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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