Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
as a side note pls kill me
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