so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
