You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
