Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
