i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
