i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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