Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
