we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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