she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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