mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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