It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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