Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
