puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
