Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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